Two months into my career break and this is what I learned about being a stay (and work) at home mom

Career break

After having baby number 2, I didn't feel like going back to work. Maybe it was the baby blues where your hormones go all wacko on you. Or maybe it was just in the wide-eyed doting and admiring of a brand new baby boy. Whatever it was, I knew I wasn't ready to go back to work teaching at university. 

SAHM, WAHM, or Full-time job?

If you’ve ever considered trying to choose between the mom-job options available: I’m talking about the stay-at-home-mom; work-at-home-mom; or full time working mom;, here’s my take on experiencing all three roles with two young children. I’m sharing my personal thoughts on the currencies that we struggle with the most - money and time.

No salary?

Taking a break from my career in teaching meant no salary. Although I knew I couldn't spend as much as I do on a full salary, (and part of the reason why I do like my job is because of the pay, and how I’m able to spend it on little luxuries that make my family happy), I still wanted a shot at having time off of work to spend time with my kids at home.

I’m the kind of mom who’s attached to her kids 24/7 (more than she’s willing to admit.) So in addition to my 3 months maternity leave, I decided to take an extra 6 months off from work. I had enough savings to not have to worry about money so I thought I’d figure out if this whole stay-at-home mom job was something I could do for the rest of my life. I really needed to see if I was capable of becoming a full time child-minder. Also, I do get bored easily, so I knew I was going to be working from home too.

Things I learned

Along the way, these are things I learned about money and time while being a stay (and work) at home mom:

1. MONEY

While you may have the time to rest whenever you want to, it’s a tougher world out here when you don't get a paycheck at the end of every month. 

However, if you’re willing, it’s absolutely possible to live with half of your usual salary (even with a house and car mortgage to pay).You heard me right. Half of your salary.

Luxuries

This, at first, seemed impossible to me. I thought I’d run out of my savings by the third month but things look pretty good at the moment. All it takes is a little budgeting and high discipline. When I recorded my spending habits, I realized how much money I was spending on unnecessary things like clothing, toys, entertainment and dining out. What used to be the norm of dining out with my family is now considered an occasional treat. I now understand what it’s like to walk in the shoes of those in the lower income group. It's a humbling experience.

Budget

I learned to take on the 'imagine I'm a student' mindset and become a cheapo. I reflected on a time when I was a student and I survived with my RM265 study allowance which was sufficient for my monthly expenses at one point in my life. With this mindset, I cut my family's spending in half. (I'll share about 'living on a basic budget by choice so that you can save money for international travel’ in another post)

Free stuff

I learned to enjoy the simpler things in life. It's true that the best things in life are free. For me, this takes the form of picnics, projects, parks, playgrounds, and pleasurable family gatherings. For the expensive things that I wanted my children to experience, I saved up, and found ways to get the best discounts (which you absolutely can with a little ol’ google search).

The verdict?

If enjoying the simpler things in life isn’t for you, then I can’t recommend that you’ll be happy if you decide to quit your job. I’m not going to lie, there were times when I felt like I wanted to go back to work so that I could get a paycheck at the end of the month. As a woman, the freedom of being able to spend your money on whatever you want, is actually very liberating. As a muslim wife, I do get my monthly ‘nafkah’ (allowance) from my other half, but it’s not the same.

2. TIME

It goes without saying that you have more freedom and free time when you stay at home. It’s so relaxing to be able to sleep in when you’re really tired which you can’t do when you have a job to wake up to. That being said, I am almost never as exhausted as I did when I was teaching. The adequate rest made my body feel healthier, more refreshed and my skin better. Not having to face traffic during rush hour meant no stress early in the morning. Instead, I wake up to happy giggly little faces who are excited to see me. Also, as a Muslim, staying at home gives me more time for ibadah (meditation). So I can say I am much calmer in a sense.

Job woes

There were times when I was absolutely thankful to be at home and didn’t miss my job at all. I’m not an active person by nature so being constantly on the move was stressful for me. I didn’t miss my work because I lived in my car most of the time during the day. I think most of us working moms live in our cars more than in our homes. My classes were located at different faculties all over the campus in Bangi and KL. Fighting for a parking spot at every single faculty I taught at was not fun. There were times that I had to teach from 4-6pm which was not at my optimal time and it was draining my energy. On top of that, the syllabus for some of the courses that I taught was just crazy to be able to achieve in 14 weeks. Being an overachiever, I had to make sure that I covered the syllabus and that students actually take away something from the courses I teach. Sometimes, that led to burn-out.

Bright side

When you experience burn-out, you lose all sense of motivation. I am usually highly motivated, and I thrive on reading, learning and implementing new ideas. But when you come back from work feeling exhausted you just forget to do the things you love. Having more time on my hands, I reflected on the things I loved about my job. This includes connecting with students, car-pooling with my colleagues to KL while sharing ideas on pedagogy and just having a good time really, being blessed with understanding and kind colleagues, and having supportive mentors/leaders/bosses.

The verdict?

Was I happier? Not necessarily. Too much time on my hands often gave me time to ponder over trivial things. Sometimes I would be excessively worried over small issues and dwell on insignificant problems. I now realize that all roots of my anxiety come when I have too much time on my hands. Having said that, it’s much better to be super busy and  become exhausted at the end of the day having achieved things in your life than it is to be free, laid back and feel like you haven’t gotten yourself anywhere and haven't done anything.

That’s why I decided to transition from a SAHM to a WAHM. In my next post, I’ll share with you how impossible it can be to work from home and how fulfilling it could be if you learn to do it right.

Do you like your current role now? What would you change if you could do anything now?

Morning habits of a Muslim Mom

I wrote this post three years ago on my old blog and I find that its still relevant up until today.

I've recently learned to wake up early. By early, I mean at 5am.

It’s actually a really good idea to wake up way before anyone else in the house does. Why? Here are some benefits that I experienced

1. Spend 30-45 mins for mindful Fajr prayers.
Meditation is widely known to give a calm effect on your body, mind and soul.

I think that as a Muslim, taking 30 minutes first thing in the morning to calm my nerves before facing the chaotic hustle bustle of life is the best daily therapy ever. With fajar prayer, and by reading 3 pages from the Quran, and some Zikr, magic happens. Praise Allah for all His blessings, and remember that we are nothing without what He has bestowed on us.

I promise you, if you do this, you will feel a sense of calmness that not even an earthquake could get you into a panicky flight mode.

2.  Set Good Intentions
Do I intend to do my best and give it my all today? Yes. I intend to eat healthy, I intend to be productive at work, I intend to be the reason someone smiles today, I intend to be kind and considerate to others, I intend to prepare wholesome meals for my family and I intend to make small changes to make me a better person, to make the world a better place to live in.

When you start your day with good intentions, with a good frame of mind – you’re ready to take on any challenge that comes your way.

3. Listen to Motivational Audio while Cooking Breakfast 
It goes without saying that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. It gives you not only physical strength, but also the energy to take on mental challenges.

While preparing breakfast, invest some time in self-development. Listen to podcasts or even youtube videos to learn more skills or knowledge on any area you want to be good at.

I usually listen to TED talks and Islamic podcasts.

I keep in mind that I am the average of the 5 people I spend my time with. I want these scholars and great thinkers to be part of my circle, so that’s when I spend time with them.

4. Introspective Time with Coffee
I take my time to savour my breakfast and I enjoy my morning coffee. I usually sit in front of my laptop and read. When I read, I learn something new. When I learn something new, it makes me happy. When I learn something new I write about it in my journal. It's funny, but I find that when I’m happy I eat less. There’s science behind this, so figure out what ‘fills you up’ and you’ll eat less. Learning and writing 'fills me up'. Find what 'fills you up'.

5. Have breakfast with family
This is the time of the day that we sit as a family and talk for 30 mins. Each child gets some attention from mom and dad and we entertain simple food and drink requests. We also make sure everyone starts the day with a healthy meal that includes fruits. A full tummy is the start of a happy day. 

6. Leave the house at the same time every day
I usually have my outfits ready during the weekends. My outfits are usually lined up for the whole week. That way I don’t waste time thinking about what to wear! We all know that a girl has a wardrobe full of clothes and nothing to wear. Just go with what you feel beautiful in. Chuck out the rest to charity.

7. Use commuting time to work wisely
Again, listen to positive talks, positive music (like Nasyeed or Selawat) or anything that can lift your spirit up. Focus on being positive and start the day with a smile.

Rise earlier to be happier!

Surviving Disney on Ice Malaysia 2017: My top 7 tips for moms with young kids

We went to Disney on Ice at Stadium Malawati Shah Alam on 25th March 2017 and we had a blast!

I went with both my children (a 5 yr old and a 5 months old) and it worked out fine.

Here are 7 tips for mommies with young children in surviving Disney on Ice in Malaysia

#1 Book the earliest show of the day

There are three shows in one day. The earliest is at 11 am, the middle show is at 3 pm and the evening show is at 7pm. I booked the earliest show because firstly, my young children are *happier* in the morning and *crankier* in late afternoon. Usually, they're already tired by 2pm. Happy kids, happy mom right? Get them out of the house early!

Secondly, it’s easier to find a parking spot. If you go to the middle show, cars from the first show will be leaving the event place and it would take a longer time to find parking compared to a relatively shorter time if you go to the earliest show. If you have bought tickets to the middle show, it's okay, just leave the house earlier.

#2 Book seats in the mid-ranged price

I bought the category 3 seats that cost me RM148 per ticket. The cheapest ticket price is the category 4 seats that cost RM98. If I were to go again, I'd spend a little more and pay for the category 3 seats that cost RM188 per ticket because the view would be perfect! As you can see, we sat too further up.

#3 Find seating in the middle section

The Disney on Ice characters interact the most with audience in the B18 section in the seat map image below. I sat in the C18 section, which is above B18.

This was our view.

If you want your children to be able to take pictures with the Disney characters, then you ought to buy the rinkside and category 1 tickets. My daughter would have been super happy if she could take photos with her favourite characters, but alas the tickets cost too much for me!

 If your aim is to fully experience Disney on Ice then I highly recommend that you buy the Category 3 tickets, the best seats are in B18.

We watched Snow White, Aladdin, The Little Mermaid, Finding Dory, The Lion King, Toy Story, and of course the highlight of the show - Frozen. There's a short clip of Elsa on ice in this post below.

You can buy the tickets here http://www.prworldwidelive.com/the-wonderful-world-of-disney-on-ice/

#4 Bring another adult to help with the kids' toilet breaks

I went with my husband and the queue at the men's toilet is a way shorter than the queue at the women's toilet. That can save precious time for all the family members to enjoy the show.

#5 Dress your girls up (it's warm in the stadium)

Many other little girls will be dressing up as their favourite character so your girls might want to wear their princess dress and accessorize with a tiara and a wand! Girls just want to have fun. Here's Elsa swirling on ice.

#6 Bring an umbrella, leave the stroller

It takes about 10 minutes to walk from the parking lot to the event hall at the stadium Malawati Shah Alam so bring an umbrella; rain or shine. Stadium Malawati isn't stroller friendly as you have to climb a few staircases so consider baby-wearing if you're bringing an infant or a toddler.

#7 Bring extra cash

There's plenty of 'gizmos, gadgets, galore' like the words of Ariel the mermaid. Since I've been to Disneyland Paris, the merchandise is similar to those sold there. Although, they seem expensive at RM50 per item, the ones I bought in Paris in 2008 are still in good condition. You pay for the same quality and you dont have to go to Paris. In actual fact, the merchandise in Disneyland Paris would end up costing RM60-RM70 per item when converted from Euro to MYR. Apart from merchandise, there are also plenty of food and drinks stalls ranging from Starbucks to Krispy Kreme doughnuts to Kenny Rogers.

Above all, remember to have fun!

Even if Allah gives you everything you ask for, it will never be enough.

Do you still remember the days you prayed for the things you have now?

You have everything you asked for and more yet you're still dissatisfied with your life. You want more.. and more.

Take a moment and think about it. The less you want, the richer you are.The more you need in order to be happy, the more miserable you will be.

Enjoy the little things in life because one day you'll look back and realize they were the big things.

For one minute, walk outside.

Stand there in silence.

Look up at the sky, and contemplate how amazing life is.

Key to a happy marriage

Women: Don't expect your hubby to support the family 100% financially unless you carry out your duties. Preparing his food, keeping a clean and calm environment for him and the kids, taking care of and educating the kids, smiling for him no matter how bad your day was, grooming and beautifying yourself for him and keeping his clothes neat.

Men: Don't expect your wife to do all of the above, if she too goes to work, comes home tired and provides for the family financially. You can expect her to do all of the above if she does not contribute financially (read: work hard to earn for the family). If she does some or all of the above AND contribute financially, then you are a lucky man. In return, you should do your share of the household chores and help her out with the kids, and around the house,  without her asking you to do so.

Women: Even if you are the sole breadwinner, or you make more money than your husband does, he still deserves to be respected. Ask him what his definition of respect is. Respect for him might mean preparing his food. It might mean taking care of his clothes. It might mean greeting him with the sweetest smile.

Men: Even if you work like a horse and  provide for your family 100% financially, your wife still deserves to be loved. Ask her about her definition of love. The meaning of love for her might mean giving her small gifts. Or cooking special meals for her occasionally. Or taking her out on a date. Or taking her on a short vacation. Or simply spending quality time with her.

I've seen so many young couples on the brink of divorce. Tolerance is the key!

First day of learning to read

Cara mudah ajar anak membaca dalam 3 Langkah

Cara mudah ajar anak membaca dalam 3 Langkah
(Jika tiada masa boleh hantar ke kelas membaca. Details di bawah post ini)

Langkah 1
Perkenalkan anak pada suku kata-suku kata tanpa perlu mengeja

Sebut sahaja 'a' 'ba' dan 'ca' seperti dalam video.

Dengan cara ini anak yg belum mengenal huruf pun sudah boleh mempelajari skill membaca

Langkah 2
Ambil masa hanya 5 minit pagi, dan 5 minit petang untuk mengajar anak membaca.

Ini kerana, si kecil kurang fokus dan suka bermain. Jadi ibu tidak perlu ambil masa yang lama untuk mengajar anak

Dengan cara ini, jika ibu konsisten, anak seawal usia 4 tahun sudah boleh lancar membaca buku cerita malah surat khabar dalam masa 3 bulan

.

Langkah 3
Latih anak menulis atau mewarna suku kata yang baru dipelajari

Kajian menunjukkan menulis suku kata bukan sahaja mengasah fine-motorskill, namun ia juga membantu anak membaca secara independent.

Ini kerana anak yg menulis atau mewarna suku kata yang baru dipelajari akan terus menyimpan bacaan tersebut di long term memory dan ini membantu anak cepat membaca

.Ekstra tips
Anak yang belajar membaca awal mempunyai tahap IQ yang lebih matang dari rakan sebaya kerana sudah banyak membaca buku sejak usia kecil

Video ni hari pertama Medina (4tahun) belajar membaca dengan kaedah e-xra. 

Boleh beli  kaedah membaca set bacaan dan set aktiviti di Ace Learning centre Bandar Baru Bangi dan Bandar Seri Putra 017-3289572 (Cikgu Ariff)

Maryam Medina

My aim in life is to be the best version of myself. I'm not interested in competing with anyone except myself. I want to be a better version of who I was yesterday. I live to constantly learn new ideas and improve every aspect of my life. 

As a full time working mom, I'm interested in finding ways to minimize time to maximize productivity. As a Muslim, I believe that when we make time for Allah, Allah will set our affairs straight, our limited time productive, and our finances sufficient and full of barakah. Right now I'm invested in teaching my own children as well as teaching young adults.

I work as an English teacher at a public university in Malaysia so I'm looking into ideas and inspiration to increase my students' motivation to learn English. I also believe that with a good command of English, excellent people can develop into exceptional people. I write about English teaching at maryamukm.blogspot.my

In my spare time, I like to introspect, write and plan. Sometimes I share my mommy stories with friends and family. You can find me in cafes because I love coffee. Once a year I travel abroad with my family to see the world and learn new culture.

I would love to meet like-minded women who believe that life is about balance, and that the right time to do anything is now!

icity Snow Walk Shah Alam

If you're looking for your children to experience snow in Malaysia, iCity Snow Walk Shah Alam is the place to go.

Here are the ticket prices. We went on a Saturday and the queue wasn't long, so I think there's really no need to book for the tickets online.

We paid RM 70 for 2 adults and one child.

Inside the snow house, the snow is quite scant. My daughter wanted to build a snowman but of course that didn't happen! It's freezing cold inside but no worries. The ticket price includes rental of snow coats / jackets so you don't have to bring your own.

There are different forms of ice sculpture inside and plenty of opportunities for photography.

At snow walk icity, my daughter enjoyed the train ride the most but I don't have a photo. 

I took a video of her on the train and uploaded it on my Youtube. 

My channel is Maryam Mohamed Amin.

 The train ride is basically a choo choo train, small-ish, and can fit three families at a time. As long as the kid is happy, the mom is happy too!

She enjoyed the go-kart ride!

Save on kids clothes! Kids Outlet Malaysia

Today Id like to share with you where to get cheap children's clothes in Malaysia.

Visit Kidz Outlet Malaysia at Plaza Shah Alam mall and Alamanda Shopping complex Putrajaya.

When shopping for my children's clothes, I don't compromise on quality of the clothing. I find that Kidz/ Kidz Outlet Malaysia provide quality clothing at a reasonably cheap price.

I have a 5 year old daughter and a 6 month old baby and I often spend a lot of money on their clothing. When I found out about Kidz Malaysia, I've been frequenting them often.

All the clothing in these pictures below are priced at RM12.90 to RM20 per pc and they are from good labels; Disney, Sesame Street, Carter, H&M, Next and GAP.

My daughter loves Disney princesses.

Comfortable sleep suits for my baby

Shirts for when my boy is a bit older

Boys khaki pants and jeans RM20 each

Extra tips: The Shah Alam outlet is cheaper than the Putrajaya outlet.

Happy shopping!

                                           

Awak rasa macam loser?

Awak rasa macam loser?

Ada hari-hari saya pun rasa macam tu.

Tengok kiri kanan kawan-kawan sebaya dah berjaya. Hebat-hebat.

Ada yang Dr muda-muda, phD dari luar negara. Ada yang bisnes berjaya, sales 5 angka. Ada yang travel merata (banyak betul duit nya?) Ada yang dah buat haji siap bawak ibu bapa.

Percayalah dengan takdir dan rezeki. It's okay kalau kita tak capai semua impian kita dalam masa terdekat ni.

Tak habis belajar? It's okay. Belum kahwin, takde anak? It's okay. Berhenti kerja sebab terlalu stress? It's okay. Tak capai sales 5 angka? It's okay.

Masih belum beli rumah sendiri? It's okay. Tak dapat travel ke luar negara? It's okay. Rasa macam orang pandang rendah pada kita? It's okay.

Hidup ni tak semua yang kita rancang menjadi.

Biar kan apa orang nak kata, yang penting kita tahu apa yang kita nak capai dalam hidup kita.

Usaha sungguh-sungguh untuk berjaya. Lambat atau cepat itu semua urusanNya.

Hidup senang itu susah.

Untuk hidup senang awak dah mula usaha sungguh- sungguh dari sekolah, tuntut ilmu siang malam di kuliah di universiti.

Selepas grad dari universiti susah-susah pula cari kerja. Jauh dan dekat. Belum tentu dapat.
Calon isteri pulak nak awak kerja hebat.

Kawan yang tak masuk universiti pulak beli rumah dulu. Kerana pilihan susah juga. Susah kerja kuat dari lepas SPM dan susah-susah buat simpanan.

Dia bahagia, berumah tangga, anak dua. Comel belaka.

Kerana pilihan susah juga. Susah tak tidur malam. Suap makan. Susah didik anak. Hantar anak ke sekolah. Badan letih takde rehat. Dia korban tenaga, masa dan wang.

Kawan yang tak kahwin tu travel merata. Seronok betul. Sekejap London, esok Paris, lusa New York. Kerana pilihan susah juga.

Pilihan untuk susah-susah hidup independent. Semua urus sendiri. Shopping sendiri barang runcit. Belajar sendiri urus tayar pancit. Pergi klinik sendiri bila sakit.

Pasangan tu pulak semua ada. Rumah besar. Kereta besar. Isteri cantik. Suami hensem. Travel sana sini. Shopping suka hati.

Kerana pilihan susah juga. Pilihan untuk susah-susah kerja sampai lewat malam dan kerja hujung minggu. Susah sebab jarang-jarang jumpa. Susah sebab jarang-jarang dapat makan bersama.

Lebih baik awak jangan bandingkan perjalanan hidup awak dengan siapa-siapa.

Tak semua yang kita nak tu kita dapat. You win some, you lose some.

Semua orang rasa susah. Dalam susah ada senang.

Susah itu pilihan. Jadi pilih lah susah awak.

Muda-muda ni gunakan akal fikiran dan tenaga fizikal awak sebaik mungkin.

Kenal diri dan minat awak.

Belajar untuk manfaatkan kelebihan yang Allah beri pada awak.

Tetapkan impian untuk berjaya dan bila gagal jangan give up. Jangan stress. Jangan depressed.

Sebab semua yang berjaya pun sama macam awak.

Semua pun pernah gagal.

Semua pun pernah rasa macam loser.

Be composed at all times

My children 

when you grow up and find yourself in a situation of praise, criticism or argument,

be thankful,

be calm, 

be attentive,

be patient,

be humble,

be well-timed 

and leave with peace. 

To politely deal with people, you must first learn these qualities in your prayers the way you stand and kneel in front of Allah.

Successful people and the kind of parents they have

Most of the time, as a mom, I have no idea whether my parenting is heading towards the right direction. I mean I have no clue whether I’m doing it right? I want my children to grow up and become successful people, see. But I am doing it right?

When I look at my high-achieving friends, I wonder how they became so outstandingly successful at such a young age. I wonder how they managed to go beyond expectations and end up in prestigious universities; doing research, become successful 6-figure entrepreneurs, or even become public figures.

Often, I search no more than beyond the compounds of their homes. What was it like to be them growing up? How did their parents treat them? What were their parents like? What kind of parenting style did their parents opt for?

It comes as no surprise that these successful and confident people are the children of, well, successful parents.

I’ve realized that it’s not so much the parenting style.

It’s who the parent is as a person.

Those accepted to prestigious universities taking up some kind of robotic science doctorate degree programmes are daughters who have university academics as their moms, and those successful entrepreneurs are sons of successful entrepreneur dads. And those who are excellent public speakers are sons and daughters of expressive opinionated parents whose face almost always appear on the telly or in the local newspaper.

Children learn through our actions. Probably, the only parenting style most likely to produce successful children is setting an example.

As for me, my parents’ definition of success is to see us children be ambassadors of Islam. I mean I’m not successful yet. Not on their terms. I’m almost there, but just not quite yet. And I am trying my best to head towards that direction my parents set. It’s true. Sooner or later, your children will become YOU.

I mean we all have different ideas and versions of the construct of success. Success means different things to different people.

In future, I want my children to be successful. By that I mean I want them to be close to God, responsible, neat, organized, independent, work a day job, content with life’s small pleasures, make time for family, have friends around, have deep heart to heart conversations with me, read books, spend in charity and above all, of course I want them to be happy.

Remember, there’s NO right way to do this whole parenting thing.

I have so much respect for you non-conformist moms. The mom who is the total opposite of what I am as a mom. The spur of the moment mom who can just pop cookies in the oven just because her kid wants homemade cookies; she doesn’t require a shopping list, a to-do list, and doesn’t have to plan everything to a T in advance. The mom who wants her kids to explore and embrace their unique interests, the mom who doesn't want her kids to become people who have day jobs. The ‘messy’ mom who enjoys playing with her kids over obsessing about cleaning the house, and the mom who really knows how to have a good time and a good laugh with her kids.

That’s the mom who has her priorities right. As a mom, my priority is my kids, not my walls. When will I ever learn?

They need to see me happy. Not tired and grumpy after running around cleaning and straightening the house. They need that smile and look of reassuring love, above anything else. Above my silly ideals of a neat and organized home.

My kids are my priority.

While I believe that we all have different parenting styles, I think we can all agree that we want our children to be content and happy people.

Look at those adorable naughty faces and give them that heart-warming smile.

It’s time for me to be less serious and laugh a little more because that’s the person I want my child to be. (And also because my husband says I’m too serious most of the time. My defense is that I have too much on my mind, and too much to do. Haha!)