Career
break
After having baby number 2, I didn't feel like going back to
work. Maybe it was the baby blues where your hormones go all wacko on you. Or
maybe it was just in the wide-eyed doting and admiring of a brand new baby boy.
Whatever it was, I knew I wasn't ready to go back to work teaching at
university.
SAHM,
WAHM, or Full-time job?
If you’ve ever considered trying to choose between the mom-job
options available: I’m talking about the stay-at-home-mom; work-at-home-mom; or
full time working mom;, here’s my take on experiencing all three roles with two young children. I’m
sharing my personal thoughts on the currencies that we struggle with the most - money and time.
No
salary?
Taking a break from my career in teaching meant no salary. Although
I knew I couldn't spend as much as I do on a full salary, (and part of the
reason why I do like my job is because of the pay, and how I’m able to spend it
on little luxuries that make my family happy), I still wanted a shot at having
time off of work to spend time with my kids at home.
I’m the kind of mom who’s attached to her kids 24/7 (more than
she’s willing to admit.) So in addition to my 3 months maternity leave, I
decided to take an extra 6 months off from work. I had enough savings to not have
to worry about money so I thought I’d figure out if this whole stay-at-home mom
job was something I could do for the rest of my life. I really needed to see if
I was capable of becoming a full time child-minder. Also, I do get bored
easily, so I knew I was going to be working from home too.
Things
I learned
Along the way, these are things I learned about money and time while
being a stay (and work) at home mom:
1. MONEY
While you may have the time to rest whenever you want to, it’s a
tougher world out here when you don't get a paycheck at the end of every month.
However,
if you’re willing, it’s absolutely possible to live with half of your usual
salary (even with a house and car mortgage to pay).You heard me right. Half of
your salary.
Luxuries
This, at first, seemed impossible to me. I thought I’d run out
of my savings by the third month but things look pretty good at the moment. All
it takes is a little budgeting and high discipline. When I recorded my spending habits, I realized how
much money I was spending on unnecessary things like clothing, toys,
entertainment and dining out. What
used to be the norm of dining out with my family is now considered an
occasional treat. I now understand what it’s like to walk in the shoes of those
in the lower income group. It's a humbling experience.
Budget
I learned to take on the 'imagine I'm a student' mindset and
become a cheapo. I reflected on a time when I was a student and I survived with
my RM265 study allowance which was sufficient for my monthly expenses at one
point in my life. With this mindset, I cut my family's spending in half. (I'll
share about 'living on a basic budget by choice so that you can save money for international travel’ in another post)
Free
stuff
I learned to enjoy the simpler things in life. It's true that
the best things in life are free. For me, this takes the form of picnics,
projects, parks, playgrounds, and pleasurable family gatherings. For the
expensive things that I wanted my children to experience, I saved up, and found
ways to get the best discounts (which you absolutely can with a little ol’
google search).
The
verdict?
If enjoying the simpler things in life isn’t for you, then I can’t
recommend that you’ll be happy if you decide to quit your job. I’m not going to
lie, there were times when I felt like I wanted to go back to work so that I
could get a paycheck at the end of the month. As a woman, the freedom of being
able to spend your money on whatever you want, is actually very liberating. As
a muslim wife, I do get my monthly ‘nafkah’ (allowance) from my other half, but
it’s not the same.
2. TIME
It goes without saying that you have more freedom and free time
when you stay at home. It’s so relaxing to be able to sleep in when you’re
really tired which you can’t do when you have a job to wake up to. That being
said, I am almost never as exhausted as I did when I was teaching. The
adequate rest made my body feel healthier, more refreshed and my skin better. Not
having to face traffic during rush hour meant no stress early in the morning. Instead, I wake up to happy giggly little faces who are excited to see me. Also,
as a Muslim, staying at home gives me more time for ibadah (meditation). So I
can say I am much calmer in a sense.
Job
woes
There were times when I was absolutely thankful to be at home and
didn’t miss my job at all. I’m not an active person by nature so being constantly on the move was stressful for me. I didn’t miss my work because I
lived in my car most of the time during the day. I think most of us working moms
live in our cars more than in our homes. My classes were located at different
faculties all over the campus in Bangi and KL. Fighting for a parking spot at
every single faculty I taught at was not fun. There were
times that I had to teach from 4-6pm which was not at my optimal time and it
was draining my energy. On top of that, the syllabus for some of the courses that I
taught was just crazy to be able to achieve in 14 weeks. Being an overachiever,
I had to make sure that I covered the syllabus and that students actually take
away something from the courses I teach. Sometimes, that led to burn-out.
Bright side
When
you experience burn-out, you lose all sense of motivation. I am usually highly
motivated, and I thrive on reading, learning and implementing new ideas. But when you come
back from work feeling exhausted you just forget to do the things you love. Having
more time on my hands, I reflected on the things I loved about my job. This
includes connecting with students, car-pooling with my colleagues to KL while
sharing ideas on pedagogy and just having a good time really, being blessed with understanding and kind colleagues, and having
supportive mentors/leaders/bosses.
The
verdict?
Was I happier? Not necessarily. Too much time on my hands often gave me time to
ponder over trivial things. Sometimes I would be excessively worried over small issues and dwell
on insignificant problems. I now realize that all roots of my anxiety come when I have too much time on my hands. Having said that, it’s much better to be
super busy and become exhausted at the end of the day having achieved things in your life than
it is to be free, laid back and feel like you haven’t gotten yourself anywhere
and haven't done anything.
Do you like your current role now? What would you change if you could do anything now?
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