Key to a happy marriage

Women: Don't expect your hubby to support the family 100% financially unless you carry out your duties. Preparing his food, keeping a clean and calm environment for him and the kids, taking care of and educating the kids, smiling for him no matter how bad your day was, grooming and beautifying yourself for him and keeping his clothes neat.

Men: Don't expect your wife to do all of the above, if she too goes to work, comes home tired and provides for the family financially. You can expect her to do all of the above if she does not contribute financially (read: work hard to earn for the family). If she does some or all of the above AND contribute financially, then you are a lucky man. In return, you should do your share of the household chores and help her out with the kids, and around the house,  without her asking you to do so.

Women: Even if you are the sole breadwinner, or you make more money than your husband does, he still deserves to be respected. Ask him what his definition of respect is. Respect for him might mean preparing his food. It might mean taking care of his clothes. It might mean greeting him with the sweetest smile.

Men: Even if you work like a horse and  provide for your family 100% financially, your wife still deserves to be loved. Ask her about her definition of love. The meaning of love for her might mean giving her small gifts. Or cooking special meals for her occasionally. Or taking her out on a date. Or taking her on a short vacation. Or simply spending quality time with her.

I've seen so many young couples on the brink of divorce. Tolerance is the key!

You will never achieve true righteousness until you spend from that which you love most

If we would like to achieve success and gain greater blessings in what we have or earn, we must learn to share whatever we have with others. The Almighty has a special Mercy upon those who share their possessions with others. Never let the heart be so deeply attached to wealth or other belongings because the day we are tested in those things, we will find it very difficult to overcome such tests o...r even to undrstand the wisdom in the Almighty's Plan. From childhood we should train our offspring to share their toys, food and other belongings where possible so that as they grow they learn to love this great habit and feel very happy and blessed to share. Some take sharing as a burden whereas others claim not to have enough to be able to share when in fact they have more than enough. The Great Companions shared even at times of their own desperate need for the same item - which was sometimes food and drink. Although we may not get to that level of selflessness, if we aim there, we will be able to get nearer. The Almighty says, "You will never achieve true righteousness until you spend from that which you love most." S 3:2

The text above is a snippet from Mufti Menk. May Allah bless him and his family.

Minimalism in Islam

Islam promotes moderation and shuns extravagance or extremism in any avenue of life. It encourages people to fulfill their basic needs moderately, without wasting any resources.

In Islam, there is a constant reminder of death and the afterlife. We are told to 'Be in this life like a stranger or a traveller'

Unfortunately,in this day and age of materialism and consumerism, it's easy to end up accumulating lots of stuff that we don't need which end up cluttering up our homes.

Fortunately, there's a good deal of people out there who have started websites and blogs about "minimalist living". They're not Muslims either, they're just people who prefer the simplicity of a nice clean home with the philosophy that less stuff is more living. Lucky for us though, we can use their tips to help us live like travellers.

The misconception of minimalism to most people is that you have a bare  home with no tv, and no possessions whatsoever.

This isn't true.

I consider myself a minimalist.

Here's my example of minimalism in my life : A minimalist wardrobe.

(1) Picking out 30pcs of my 'best' clothing

Right now, I have 30 pcs of clothing lined up in my closet. Most of these pcs are 'multifunctionial'. Think 1 blouse, 3 different looks. I try to dress my best at all times.

(2) Getting ready in the morning becomes easy as pie

The upside is that it's much faster to get dressed in the morning when you can clearly see all your favourite clothing hanging in the closet. Plus,
I have less laundry to deal with.

(3) Quality over quantity

Think quality over quantity. It's very easy to find 30 pcs of clothing that you feel comfortable and confident in.

(4) My clothing is displayed nicely

They can actually breathe.
I have reduced my scarves to 15 pcs. They are all laid out nicely as if they were showcased in a clothing store.

(5) Shopping under the bed

Having only 30 pcs of clothing in my closet doesn't mean that I don't own anymore clothing. I do.

I keep the excess clothing and scarves in storage casings underneath my bed and when I start getting bored of my 30pc wardrobe, I 'shop' under the bed first, haha, before I hit the stores.

Usually, if you really look into your closet, you'll find that sometimes when you think you want to go shopping for a pair of white pants, for instant, it's actually already there in your closet.

Want proof? I bet you have 5 different scarves in the same colour and you always end up wearing only one of them anyway? 😄

Embracing minimalism or choosing to live simply has changed my life drastically and positively in so many ways. I'm still learning. I think a true Muslim woman minimalist would be those women wearing black abayas every day throughout the year. I'm not there yet. 😂

In the end, we'll all leave our worldly possessions. This world is temporary. I choose to seek experiences and relationships instead of material things. May Allah guide me to do good deeds with the rizq (sustenance) that I'm blessed with. Amin.

Parenting in Islam

Bismilahirrahmanirrahim

Using humour was Rasullullah's way of dealing with children.

Prophet Muhammad, the Messenger of Allah pbuh sent 10 year old Anas (may Allah be pleased with him) on an errand.

However, Anas stopped on the street to watch the children play and forgot about his errand.

Prophet Muhammad pbuh went outside and saw that Anas was playing with the children, he (pbuh) silently crept up behind him, laughing and asked about whether Anas had fulfilled his task.

Anas told the prophet (pbuh) that he had forgotten all about his task. Muhammad (pbuh) laughed and said, "it's okay. You're a child and you like to play. Now go and fulfill your duty and come back and play."

I mean, as parents, if we ask our kids to do something, and they don't do it... we don't laugh, do we?

This morning, I was washing the dishes and cleaning the kitchen and when I had finished I found that Medina had thrown her toys all over the living room.

Usually I would get all upset and pull a face while picking up the toys.

But this time I tried laughing.

I laughed. It felt silly, but I laughed.

I said to her, "This is so funny, I leave you for 10 minutes and you scattered your toys all over the living room. And you poured your books all over the playroom floor."

I laughed at the mess while picking up her toys.😄

Guess what? It worked. She started laughing too. She felt like it was a positive experience.

Imagine you did something wrong at work.. how would you feel if your boss scolded you? as opposed to him making things right by laughing off at your mistake while advising you to get it right the next time. You'd probably feel confused but the message from your boss gets across  to you. If he screams and scolds you, you'd probably end up feeling bitter and resent him.

Eat to live not Live to eat

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

 Eat to Live, not Live to Eat

"Let people fill one third of their stomach with food, one third with drink and one third with nothing."* Prophet Muhammad

The Prophet asked us to eat moderately just enough to keep our 'backs straights'. It is generally known that eating until you are full expands the stomach, so you end up eating more at the next meal. An expanded stomach is what causes obesity because you will need to eat more calories than you body needs, in order to feel full. Also, it is common knowledge that in order to lose weight, you must consume less calories, therefore, this simple concept shows that you must eat just enough to carry out daily activities. It would not be wise to indulge in food at every time of every day.

According to Ikram Hawani (The Quran Club Blog), if you want to lose weight, go on a Quranic diet. This means to get most of your calories from meat, dairy, and fruit. Use olive oil and honey. Avoid sugar, white flour, and other processed foods. Don't eat grains or nuts if you can avoid them, because these are mentioned very little in the Quran. Meat is mentioned 100 times, while grains are mentioned only 7 times.The Quranic diet is very similar to the recently popular paleolithic diet. It focuses on natural hunter-gatherer foods, the foods that our earliest ancestors enjoyed, which is mostly meat and fruit. It simply means to eat clean. Where I live, eating raw food and clean food costs less than processed food. That's minimalism at its best.

 "It was narrated by Aishah (may Allah be pleased with her) said: The Prophet (pbuh) was keen to fast on Mondays and Thursdays."

This is in line with a well-known intermittent fasting diet that took over the internet. The 5:2 Fast Diet - a plan that involves calorie intake for only 5 days in a week and fasting on 2 days of the week. This method reduces calorie intake drastically and causes weight loss.

According to Dr Michael Mosley, author of The Fast Diet, this eating plan does not only help people to lose weight, but also gives them health benefits such as improvements in blood pressure, insulin sensitivity and cholesterol levels. 

In addition, on a spiritual level, fasting helps us to look at things in perspective. We understand what others without food go through on a daily basis. People in poor countries with limited resources of food survive without food for weeks to months. You're only going without food for one day. We become more thankful of the delicious mouth-watering food around us.  We appreciate every fruit, every meal, and the plentiful drinks and juices.

Personally, I find that fasting provides me with extra time throughout the day. Sometimes we don't realize how much time we actually spend on planning on food, buying food, preparing food, plating food, and eating all that food. The extra time I gain from not eating is spent on  my passion such as writing, teaching, or doing interior design. Fasting a time-saver! Plus, as a bonus, I shed some fat and lose some weight.

Islam is a way of life. Love your life in Islam!

Everything that is good is from Allah, everything  that is weak or poor is from me.

Maryam

24 December 2015

Stressed out? Listen to this..

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim..




Allah says ar-Rahman, Allah cares about you,,

You are insufficient.

You don't know anything.

You plan, Allah decides.

Look back, And have no regrets.

Look forward, The future is uncertain.

Look up. Allah is taking care of you,

"We think our dramas are our reality. Our dramas are our limited perspectives that we experienced in the past with people and with ideas and we impose it onto our reality."

ALLAH IS ALL-KNOWING. Allah sees the whole picture of our life in this world, right now we only have the pixels. If life was a jigsaw puzzle, we only own 3 pieces out 100 pieces.

TRUST IN ALLAH.

ALLAH SAYS "I KNOW WHAT YOU DO NOT"

Self-Esteem in Islam

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

As a woman, I often have self-esteem issues. I often feel that I can't leave the house without any make-up on . I often try on many styles and put on a lot of cosmetics to make myself feel beautiful and confident.

I often need reminders like this...

photo credit: fb Woman in Islam

I guess the more I acknowledge that every single body part and facial feature is a gift from Allah (and can be taken away from me at any time), the more I appreciate what I am truly blessed with.

I am short-sighted and have worn glasses since the age of 15. Now that I'm much older, the strength of my prescription glasses is already  +5.00.

I have never ever wanted to leave the house with glasses on the bridge of my nose because I felt that I looked UGLY. Allah created me and He doesn't make any mistakes, but I felt UGLY with those glasses on. So I hid behind a pair of cosmetic contact lenses. When I wore those coloured coloured lenses, I felt BEAUTIFUL.

A few days ago while wearing those lenses,  I accidentally stabbed my left eye with a stick. It's a long story but the stabbing stung my eye and the whites of my eye became bright red. I went to the Dr and I was told that I was lucky that there were no corneal abrasion on my iris/pupil.

I could have lost my vision... but I didn't.

I am lucky that Allah continues to bless me with eye sight.

After being stabbed in the eyes, I'm thankful for the countless blessings that Allah has gifted me with.

I realise that everything I take for granted is a gift from the Allah Almighty.

I am a slave of Allah and I want him to be pleased with me. I  embrace all that I am and I take care of the body I am entrusted with. My eyesight, my hearing and my ability to talk and express my ideas are all for the sake of pleasing Allah.

I have to remember that if I am not a slave to Allah, I will be a slave to something else. A slave to the western standards, a slave to my culture's idea of beauty, a slave to time, money and energy to be beautiful.

Self-esteem does not stem from society's standard of beauty.

Self-esteem stems from being comfortable in your own skin. Love and embrace all that you are. Blossom and shine!

All that is good is from Allah, all that is bad and poor is from me.

Wassalam

Maryam

15 December 2015

Assalamualaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

Assalamualaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu means "May Peace Be Upon You". Take a deep breath and let peaceful feelings travel through your veins to the end of your head, fingertips, and toes. You are now feeling at ease.

Hi, my name is Maryam and I am on a journey of self-discovery. Like you, I often question my life's purpose. More than anything, these writings are for me to document my discoveries about how to love living my life in Islam.

As a born Muslim, I often feel that I follow my religious teachings out of routine - but that's about to change. There is so much more to discover, explore, and *feel*  as a muslim woman.

I am on a quest to live a fulfilling life. 
I am on a quest to love my life in Islam.
I am on a quest to leave this world in a state of fulfillment.

Today I learned the most important thing about living this life.

It's death.

Death is certain. 

Everything else in life is uncertain. Even the most basic things like eating is uncertain. What you'll have for your next meal is uncertain. How long you'll wait for your next meal is uncertain. Whether you'll be alive for your next meal is uncertain. You could die in an earthquake in a few minutes after you read this. May Allah, God almighty, protect you from any harm. May you leave this world only when you're ready.

Death is certain. 

Pause.

Think.

Learn.

Maryam, you want to be reminded of death everyday of your life. Why?

1. Think of the people who have faced death, but survived. Earthquake survivors, cancer survivors, war survivors, abuse survivors.

How do they live their lives? They live with a smile. They live with no care of what others think of them. They live their life helping others who have been through the same plight they have.They live purposefully. They enjoy every sip of coffee, every ounce of friendship, every sight of nature, every bit of love, they squeeze life to its fullest potential, they seize every opportunity; they are fearless.

2. Think of the people who are about to face death. Cancer patients, people in coma, the bed ridden. 

How do they live their lives? They spend every minute they have with their loved ones. They live their lives fearing death, fearing that they will be all alone in a dark place. It's the harsh truth. We will all end up alone in a dark place. They are afraid. They draw strength from loved ones. They turn to Allah, God the almighty. They use their savings to help the needy. They want to donate their organs. They want to do good before they leave this world. They are fearful, but they too, are fearless.

Islam teaches teaches you 3 things that will sustain you in the hereafter
(1) to convey useful knowledge, 
(2) to help build a place of refuge for the needy, orphans and the elderly, 
(3) to mold children into kind, humble people who worship Allah and who live by the teachings of Islam.
Learn to incorporate all of this in your life, okay?

3. How would you like people to describe you when you've died?

I would like people to describe me like this...
"She was kind, she was generous, she was thoughtful, and she was sensitive to the needs of others, she shared the joys of loving her Islamic way of life."

If that's how you would like people to describe you, that's how you should start living your life. It all starts with a smile..

Remember, Prophet Muhammad s.a.w smiled all the time. You too should smile all the time, Maryam (even when you don't feel like it)

:)

"Prophet Muhammad smiled, often and with real joy.  In fact he smiled so regularly that his smile and kind demeanour are mentioned time and time again in anecdotes and stories from his traditions."

Abdullaah ibn Haarith said, “I never came across a person who smiled as much as Prophet Muhammad.  Prophet Muhammad regarded smiling to a brother as an act of charity.”

Read full article at: http://www.islamreligion.com/articles/10374/prophet-muhammad-s-smile/

                                         photo credit:https://www.tumblr.com/search/fforlife

                                                         smile photo credit above: quotesgram.com

Everything that is good is from Allah, everything that is weak or poor is from me.

Wassalam

Maryam 
14 December 2016