Two months into my career break and this is what I learned about being a stay (and work) at home mom

Career break

After having baby number 2, I didn't feel like going back to work. Maybe it was the baby blues where your hormones go all wacko on you. Or maybe it was just in the wide-eyed doting and admiring of a brand new baby boy. Whatever it was, I knew I wasn't ready to go back to work teaching at university. 

SAHM, WAHM, or Full-time job?

If you’ve ever considered trying to choose between the mom-job options available: I’m talking about the stay-at-home-mom; work-at-home-mom; or full time working mom;, here’s my take on experiencing all three roles with two young children. I’m sharing my personal thoughts on the currencies that we struggle with the most - money and time.

No salary?

Taking a break from my career in teaching meant no salary. Although I knew I couldn't spend as much as I do on a full salary, (and part of the reason why I do like my job is because of the pay, and how I’m able to spend it on little luxuries that make my family happy), I still wanted a shot at having time off of work to spend time with my kids at home.

I’m the kind of mom who’s attached to her kids 24/7 (more than she’s willing to admit.) So in addition to my 3 months maternity leave, I decided to take an extra 6 months off from work. I had enough savings to not have to worry about money so I thought I’d figure out if this whole stay-at-home mom job was something I could do for the rest of my life. I really needed to see if I was capable of becoming a full time child-minder. Also, I do get bored easily, so I knew I was going to be working from home too.

Things I learned

Along the way, these are things I learned about money and time while being a stay (and work) at home mom:

1. MONEY

While you may have the time to rest whenever you want to, it’s a tougher world out here when you don't get a paycheck at the end of every month. 

However, if you’re willing, it’s absolutely possible to live with half of your usual salary (even with a house and car mortgage to pay).You heard me right. Half of your salary.

Luxuries

This, at first, seemed impossible to me. I thought I’d run out of my savings by the third month but things look pretty good at the moment. All it takes is a little budgeting and high discipline. When I recorded my spending habits, I realized how much money I was spending on unnecessary things like clothing, toys, entertainment and dining out. What used to be the norm of dining out with my family is now considered an occasional treat. I now understand what it’s like to walk in the shoes of those in the lower income group. It's a humbling experience.

Budget

I learned to take on the 'imagine I'm a student' mindset and become a cheapo. I reflected on a time when I was a student and I survived with my RM265 study allowance which was sufficient for my monthly expenses at one point in my life. With this mindset, I cut my family's spending in half. (I'll share about 'living on a basic budget by choice so that you can save money for international travel’ in another post)

Free stuff

I learned to enjoy the simpler things in life. It's true that the best things in life are free. For me, this takes the form of picnics, projects, parks, playgrounds, and pleasurable family gatherings. For the expensive things that I wanted my children to experience, I saved up, and found ways to get the best discounts (which you absolutely can with a little ol’ google search).

The verdict?

If enjoying the simpler things in life isn’t for you, then I can’t recommend that you’ll be happy if you decide to quit your job. I’m not going to lie, there were times when I felt like I wanted to go back to work so that I could get a paycheck at the end of the month. As a woman, the freedom of being able to spend your money on whatever you want, is actually very liberating. As a muslim wife, I do get my monthly ‘nafkah’ (allowance) from my other half, but it’s not the same.

2. TIME

It goes without saying that you have more freedom and free time when you stay at home. It’s so relaxing to be able to sleep in when you’re really tired which you can’t do when you have a job to wake up to. That being said, I am almost never as exhausted as I did when I was teaching. The adequate rest made my body feel healthier, more refreshed and my skin better. Not having to face traffic during rush hour meant no stress early in the morning. Instead, I wake up to happy giggly little faces who are excited to see me. Also, as a Muslim, staying at home gives me more time for ibadah (meditation). So I can say I am much calmer in a sense.

Job woes

There were times when I was absolutely thankful to be at home and didn’t miss my job at all. I’m not an active person by nature so being constantly on the move was stressful for me. I didn’t miss my work because I lived in my car most of the time during the day. I think most of us working moms live in our cars more than in our homes. My classes were located at different faculties all over the campus in Bangi and KL. Fighting for a parking spot at every single faculty I taught at was not fun. There were times that I had to teach from 4-6pm which was not at my optimal time and it was draining my energy. On top of that, the syllabus for some of the courses that I taught was just crazy to be able to achieve in 14 weeks. Being an overachiever, I had to make sure that I covered the syllabus and that students actually take away something from the courses I teach. Sometimes, that led to burn-out.

Bright side

When you experience burn-out, you lose all sense of motivation. I am usually highly motivated, and I thrive on reading, learning and implementing new ideas. But when you come back from work feeling exhausted you just forget to do the things you love. Having more time on my hands, I reflected on the things I loved about my job. This includes connecting with students, car-pooling with my colleagues to KL while sharing ideas on pedagogy and just having a good time really, being blessed with understanding and kind colleagues, and having supportive mentors/leaders/bosses.

The verdict?

Was I happier? Not necessarily. Too much time on my hands often gave me time to ponder over trivial things. Sometimes I would be excessively worried over small issues and dwell on insignificant problems. I now realize that all roots of my anxiety come when I have too much time on my hands. Having said that, it’s much better to be super busy and  become exhausted at the end of the day having achieved things in your life than it is to be free, laid back and feel like you haven’t gotten yourself anywhere and haven't done anything.

That’s why I decided to transition from a SAHM to a WAHM. In my next post, I’ll share with you how impossible it can be to work from home and how fulfilling it could be if you learn to do it right.

Do you like your current role now? What would you change if you could do anything now?

Morning habits of a Muslim Mom

I wrote this post three years ago on my old blog and I find that its still relevant up until today.

I've recently learned to wake up early. By early, I mean at 5am.

It’s actually a really good idea to wake up way before anyone else in the house does. Why? Here are some benefits that I experienced

1. Spend 30-45 mins for mindful Fajr prayers.
Meditation is widely known to give a calm effect on your body, mind and soul.

I think that as a Muslim, taking 30 minutes first thing in the morning to calm my nerves before facing the chaotic hustle bustle of life is the best daily therapy ever. With fajar prayer, and by reading 3 pages from the Quran, and some Zikr, magic happens. Praise Allah for all His blessings, and remember that we are nothing without what He has bestowed on us.

I promise you, if you do this, you will feel a sense of calmness that not even an earthquake could get you into a panicky flight mode.

2.  Set Good Intentions
Do I intend to do my best and give it my all today? Yes. I intend to eat healthy, I intend to be productive at work, I intend to be the reason someone smiles today, I intend to be kind and considerate to others, I intend to prepare wholesome meals for my family and I intend to make small changes to make me a better person, to make the world a better place to live in.

When you start your day with good intentions, with a good frame of mind – you’re ready to take on any challenge that comes your way.

3. Listen to Motivational Audio while Cooking Breakfast 
It goes without saying that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. It gives you not only physical strength, but also the energy to take on mental challenges.

While preparing breakfast, invest some time in self-development. Listen to podcasts or even youtube videos to learn more skills or knowledge on any area you want to be good at.

I usually listen to TED talks and Islamic podcasts.

I keep in mind that I am the average of the 5 people I spend my time with. I want these scholars and great thinkers to be part of my circle, so that’s when I spend time with them.

4. Introspective Time with Coffee
I take my time to savour my breakfast and I enjoy my morning coffee. I usually sit in front of my laptop and read. When I read, I learn something new. When I learn something new, it makes me happy. When I learn something new I write about it in my journal. It's funny, but I find that when I’m happy I eat less. There’s science behind this, so figure out what ‘fills you up’ and you’ll eat less. Learning and writing 'fills me up'. Find what 'fills you up'.

5. Have breakfast with family
This is the time of the day that we sit as a family and talk for 30 mins. Each child gets some attention from mom and dad and we entertain simple food and drink requests. We also make sure everyone starts the day with a healthy meal that includes fruits. A full tummy is the start of a happy day. 

6. Leave the house at the same time every day
I usually have my outfits ready during the weekends. My outfits are usually lined up for the whole week. That way I don’t waste time thinking about what to wear! We all know that a girl has a wardrobe full of clothes and nothing to wear. Just go with what you feel beautiful in. Chuck out the rest to charity.

7. Use commuting time to work wisely
Again, listen to positive talks, positive music (like Nasyeed or Selawat) or anything that can lift your spirit up. Focus on being positive and start the day with a smile.

Rise earlier to be happier!

7 ways to be productive while driving

While driving to work and back, I recommend 7 things you can do to make your experience while driving more meaningful: 

1 - listen to an audiobook.

You get to read more books in the span of week. The only difference is someone else is reading it for you.

2- learn a language. 

What language do you want to learn? Download podcasts on your phone that teaches the language you want to learn. Repeat the phrases out loud. Commit the new phrases to mind. In no time you'll already be speaking another language with your friends and family. 

3 - listen to an inspirational or educational talk.

If all this while you've wished for self-improvement and personal development but feel that you've never really had time. Now you finally do!

4- karaoke 

If you love to sing, then this is the best time to sing your heart out. Choose songs that are inspiring, that lift your spirit. As Muslims, we can choose songs that increase our remembrance of Allah and His messenger Muhammad saw. 

5- Memorize a Surah/ Ayah from the Quran.

Or simply listen to the Quran and you will be in a state of Ibadah and get reward while commuting/ driving.

6- listen to Islamic lectures

You can download many Islamic lectures by many renowned speakers on your podcast app on your iphone/ iPod. As humans we err on an hourly basis so we will surely benefit from those reminders.

7 - talk to God.

So many of us choose to be angry about our drive time, and it develops into road rage. Instead, try to use that time a little more peacefully. Your 30-60 minutes in the car is a good time to hash out everything that’s on your mind with Him.

These suggestions will hopefully make your ride seem quicker, and you will be (almost) reading while you commute.

Also try to leave for work early, and cut out early in order to minimize your commute time, and maximize free time:)

 Al-Asr  "By time, Indeed, mankind is in loss, Except for those who believe and do righteous deeds and advise each other to truth and advise each other to patience.”

Minimalism in Islam

Islam promotes moderation and shuns extravagance or extremism in any avenue of life. It encourages people to fulfill their basic needs moderately, without wasting any resources.

In Islam, there is a constant reminder of death and the afterlife. We are told to 'Be in this life like a stranger or a traveller'

Unfortunately,in this day and age of materialism and consumerism, it's easy to end up accumulating lots of stuff that we don't need which end up cluttering up our homes.

Fortunately, there's a good deal of people out there who have started websites and blogs about "minimalist living". They're not Muslims either, they're just people who prefer the simplicity of a nice clean home with the philosophy that less stuff is more living. Lucky for us though, we can use their tips to help us live like travellers.

The misconception of minimalism to most people is that you have a bare  home with no tv, and no possessions whatsoever.

This isn't true.

I consider myself a minimalist.

Here's my example of minimalism in my life : A minimalist wardrobe.

(1) Picking out 30pcs of my 'best' clothing

Right now, I have 30 pcs of clothing lined up in my closet. Most of these pcs are 'multifunctionial'. Think 1 blouse, 3 different looks. I try to dress my best at all times.

(2) Getting ready in the morning becomes easy as pie

The upside is that it's much faster to get dressed in the morning when you can clearly see all your favourite clothing hanging in the closet. Plus,
I have less laundry to deal with.

(3) Quality over quantity

Think quality over quantity. It's very easy to find 30 pcs of clothing that you feel comfortable and confident in.

(4) My clothing is displayed nicely

They can actually breathe.
I have reduced my scarves to 15 pcs. They are all laid out nicely as if they were showcased in a clothing store.

(5) Shopping under the bed

Having only 30 pcs of clothing in my closet doesn't mean that I don't own anymore clothing. I do.

I keep the excess clothing and scarves in storage casings underneath my bed and when I start getting bored of my 30pc wardrobe, I 'shop' under the bed first, haha, before I hit the stores.

Usually, if you really look into your closet, you'll find that sometimes when you think you want to go shopping for a pair of white pants, for instant, it's actually already there in your closet.

Want proof? I bet you have 5 different scarves in the same colour and you always end up wearing only one of them anyway? 😄

Embracing minimalism or choosing to live simply has changed my life drastically and positively in so many ways. I'm still learning. I think a true Muslim woman minimalist would be those women wearing black abayas every day throughout the year. I'm not there yet. 😂

In the end, we'll all leave our worldly possessions. This world is temporary. I choose to seek experiences and relationships instead of material things. May Allah guide me to do good deeds with the rizq (sustenance) that I'm blessed with. Amin.

How to Organize Toys

Organizing tips: Toys

- I keep toys that my girl frequently plays with in places where she can reach on her own.
She only gets to put her toys in 3 compartments out of the 9 compartment shelf where her selected beloved toys are placed.

- To avoid mess, I keep toys in sets in containers ; ie cooking set, doctor set, play dough set; in places where my daughter can see them but can't reach them. These containers can be found at Daiso for only RM5 😉

- When my daughter requests for the doctor set, I bring it down for her to play with. She knows she has to tidy them up and put those toys back into the container before she plays with another set of toys such as the cooking set.

- I keep reward toys higher; ie paint, jigsaw puzzles, stamp and roll.
I give my daughter reward toys when she uses the potty because we are potty training her. Every time she uses the potty instead of wetting her pants, she gets to paint, or build a sandcastle, or solve a jigsaw she absolutely love. Reward!

TIRED of doing the dishes?

TIRED of doing the dishes? Where I live, we're not privileged to own dishwashers.

TIRED of doing the dishes?

Try this.

‪#‎Tip‬ 1 - Every member of the family each gets to choose 3 of their favourite plates, 3 mugs or tumbler, and 2 bowls. You'll instantly see that your sink will never again overflow! The rest of your tableware you may want to either store away in a hard to reach place like a tall cabinet, sell, or give away to charity.

Personally, I find that living with less stuff gives me more time to do the things I love rather than spending it on routine work such as washing and cleaning, and I still am able to keep a neat and tidy home.

In fact, Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) lived a simple life with very minimal items in his home.

In the picture below, that is the amount of daily tableware I have in my home and it just gets rotated.

I do have fancy tableware in 2 sets for guests and it's stored away nicely.

#Tip 2 - I only keep fancy tableware enough for 12 guests at one time because that's how many people that my small apartment can accommodate comfortably. Any more guests, and I revert to using disposable cups and plates.

Think about it. You always reach for your favourite mug anyway. We all have our favorites. Favourite tumbler, favourite plate, favourite bowl.

I promise you, when you reduce the tableware in your home, in the course of a day you'll probably spend only less than 2 minutes at each meal to wash the dishes.