Most of the time, as a mom, I have no idea whether my parenting is heading towards the right direction. I mean I have no clue whether I’m doing it right? I want my children to grow up and become successful people, see. But I am doing it right?
When I look at my high-achieving friends, I wonder how they became so outstandingly successful at such a young age. I wonder how they managed to go beyond expectations and end up in prestigious universities; doing research, become successful 6-figure entrepreneurs, or even become public figures.
Often, I search no more than beyond the compounds of their homes. What was it like to be them growing up? How did their parents treat them? What were their parents like? What kind of parenting style did their parents opt for?
It comes as no surprise that these successful and confident people are the children of, well, successful parents.
I’ve realized that it’s not so much the parenting style.
It’s who the parent is as a person.
Those accepted to prestigious universities taking up some kind of robotic science doctorate degree programmes are daughters who have university academics as their moms, and those successful entrepreneurs are sons of successful entrepreneur dads. And those who are excellent public speakers are sons and daughters of expressive opinionated parents whose face almost always appear on the telly or in the local newspaper.
Children learn through our actions. Probably, the only parenting style most likely to produce successful children is setting an example.
As for me, my parents’ definition of success is to see us children be ambassadors of Islam. I mean I’m not successful yet. Not on their terms. I’m almost there, but just not quite yet. And I am trying my best to head towards that direction my parents set. It’s true. Sooner or later, your children will become YOU.
I mean we all have different ideas and versions of the construct of success. Success means different things to different people.
In future, I want my children to be successful. By that I mean I want them to be close to God, responsible, neat, organized, independent, work a day job, content with life’s small pleasures, make time for family, have friends around, have deep heart to heart conversations with me, read books, spend in charity and above all, of course I want them to be happy.
Remember, there’s NO right way to do this whole parenting thing.
I have so much respect for you non-conformist moms. The mom who is the total opposite of what I am as a mom. The spur of the moment mom who can just pop cookies in the oven just because her kid wants homemade cookies; she doesn’t require a shopping list, a to-do list, and doesn’t have to plan everything to a T in advance. The mom who wants her kids to explore and embrace their unique interests, the mom who doesn't want her kids to become people who have day jobs. The ‘messy’ mom who enjoys playing with her kids over obsessing about cleaning the house, and the mom who really knows how to have a good time and a good laugh with her kids.
That’s the mom who has her priorities right. As a mom, my priority is my kids, not my walls. When will I ever learn?
They need to see me happy. Not tired and grumpy after running around cleaning and straightening the house. They need that smile and look of reassuring love, above anything else. Above my silly ideals of a neat and organized home.
My kids are my priority.
While I believe that we all have different parenting styles, I think we can all agree that we want our children to be content and happy people.
Look at those adorable naughty faces and give them that heart-warming smile.
It’s time for me to be less serious and laugh a little more because that’s the person I want my child to be. (And also because my husband says I’m too serious most of the time. My defense is that I have too much on my mind, and too much to do. Haha!)
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